Fantasy Fail Friday: The Loser Awards


Man, what a bunch of losers! No, I’m not talking about the pathetic effort the Los Angeles Kings put forth last night in Phoenix, losing 4-1 in front of what seemed to look like 800 people. If you want a recap (why in the hell would anyone want to relive last nights game?!?), go here or here. No, the people I’m talking about are the beautiful losers of the Brian Willsie Invitational Loser League.

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My work coffee mug.

 

Click here to check out who is the Biggest Loser this week!!!

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Indiana Matt made the biggest leap forward (or backwards, I guess) moving from last overall up 4 spots based on a night that featured a combined -16 points from Chuck Kobasew, Kevin Klein and Ruslan Salei. Meanwhile, Daneyko’s Darlings has taken the overall lead based on a strong performance by Chris Neil last Monday, where he earned -22 points. Combine that with the Darlings’ play on October 16th, where 9 of his starting 11 players earned negative points and you can see why he is in first place. What does it all mean? Jersey still sucks!

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A typical Daneyko’s Darlings watch party.

RudyKelly’s team, I Need a Drewiske, seems to be coming back down to earth as his team of All Stars dropped back 4 spots to 2nd to last overall. Rudy’s strategy of not showing up to the live draft doesn’t seem to be paying off, although keep an eye out for him this week as Marian Gaborik, Mike Green and Drew Doughty are all injured, preventing Team Drewiske from earning any positive points from those All-Stars.

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You want to know what you are all playing for?

This week we are announcing the 1st Annual Brian Willsie Invitational Loser League Awards. These are the trophies that the losers in this league will be battling each night to take home. Over the course of the season, we will track who is leading in each individual award race as well as which General Manager will be taking home the ultimate prize… The Mike Milbury GM of the Year Award.

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That’s right, the team that has the most amount of negative points at the end of the season will take home The Mike Milbury GM of the Year Award. Yes, the man who traded away such players as Zdeno Chara, Roberto Luongo, Olli Jokinen, Todd Bertuzzi, Jason Spezza and drafted Rick DiPietro instead of Dany Heatley or Marian Gaborik has graciously lent his name and image to the Stanley Cup of the Brian Willsie Inviational.

The Individual Trophies:

The Kirk Maltby Memorial Award

For NHL forwards with over 1000 games played in their career, Kirk Maltby has the worst points per game average at .24 ppg. (That’s 1,072 games, 128 goals, 132 assists for 260 points.) Now, I know that Craig Berube is .15 pp gaverage (159 points in 1054 games)… but he was a goon and goons aren’t supposed to score goals. But Maltby is your prototypical 4th line grinder and that’s why the trophy for the least amount of points scored during the Brian Willsie Invitational season is named after him.

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No! The point is NOT to score in the Loser League. Malt-by!!!

In the lead for The Kirk Maltby Award is Team Awesometown with 2 goals and 2 assists for a total of 4 points in 32 games.

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Yes, Half Season Ticket Holder Buddy’s team, the Sad Don Drapers, technically has 0 goals and 0 assists… but that’s only because he’s yet to dress an actual NHL skater. But it looks like his version of a neutral zone trap will change next week.

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Well on his way to becoming the next Mike Milbury.

The Kenneth Danekyo Memorial Trophy

Ken Danekyo may have 3 Stanley Cups, but in 1283 NHL games he only had 178 points (36 goals and 142 assists) for a points per game average of .13. So it’s fitting that the Brian Willsie Invitation equivalent of the Norris Trophy is named in his honor.

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This trophy is the only thing Daneyko is lifting above his head these days.

After 2 weeks… with 1 point each from their loser blueline, Indiana Matt, The Scouts and The Ghosts of Huet are in a 3 way tie for the Daneyko Trophy. This should be a great race to watch!

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What is 1 game show Indiana Matt, The Scouts and The Ghosts of Huet will never be on?

The Curtis Joseph Memorial Trophy

Curtis Joseph played for 6 NHL teams and won 454 games which makes him the 4th winningest goalie of all time. But he also lost 391 games which makes him perfect for this Loser League. Who even knows who the hell the Vezina Trophy is named after? The Cujo Trophy is the one that you want to win in this loser league.

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Michal Handzus scores on whomever the hell he wants.

Surprisingly, the Brian Willsie Invitational’s All-Star Team, RudyKelly’s I Need Some Drewiske, is leading the league in both losses, 5, and goals against, 29. There is definitely a bad goalie battle brewing on Team Drewiske as Ryan Miller and Henrik Lundqvist are both sucking it up.

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A photo of Lundqvist taken by Ryan Miller. That’s the best I can do.

The Tiger Williams Award

If you are a fan of hockey, you know that Dave “Tiger” Williams is the all-time most penalized player in NHL history with 3966 minutes in 962 games. Right now, Daneyko’s Darlings are leading the league in PIM’s… with 95 in 47 games.

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Daneyko’s Darlings are also in the lead for the final Brian Willsie Invitational Trophy, The Bill Mikkelson Plus/Minus Award. Bill Mikkelson had a career Plus/Minus of -147… in 147 games… including an NHL record -82 during the 1974-1975 season. Daneyko’s Darlings have a long way to go to match Mikkelson’s minus record, but after 2 weeks of play, the Darlings are at a -10.

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Maybe if the Captials gave him the correct equipment he would have done better?

Here are all the entire Brian Willsie Invitational Loser League stats going into Friday nights games.

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See ya next week, losers!

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.