Beware the Kings of March, Not the March of Kings


Sure, the Los Angeles Kings have been known to have their problems in December. But as any real Kings fan knows… March is where guaranteed playoff spots are lost. I’m sure Quisp over at the SBNation Kings Blog would be able to crunch the numbers better than me, but here is the Kings record in March during the last 3 seasons that this team actually had a chance of making the playoffs… (or as I like to call it… the Andy Murray Late-Season Reign of Terror):

2002-2003 W 4 L 9 T 2 – No Playoffs

2003-2004 W 3 L 11 T 1 – No Playoffs

2005-2006 W 6 L 8 - No Playoffs

That’s a combined 13-28-3 when it comes to playoff races in March for the Los Angeles Kings. Gulp!

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Hmm, what box does late-season collapse fall into?

Kings 0, Blackhawks 3

 

So the Kings lose another important Western Conference game… but no worries… it’s Raitis Ivanans Kings Spotlight Night! Join in on the celebration… after the jump!!!

 

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It was Raitis Ivanans Spotlight Night on the Fox Sports West HD telecast of the game. Fox Sports has probably had the Ivanans Spotlight Feature in the can for a while… but was just waiting for Coach Murray to put him back in the line-up. Now, we all know that Raitis is not the most attractive player on the Kings roster… so Fox Sports West HD figured out a great solution to this problem.

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He’s got a face for television!

Raitis Ivanans was born in 1979, a mere 3 years after me. Now, I realize he did grow up in Latvia… but why does every photo of him as a child look like he was raised in the Old Country during the 1930′s?

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I mean, he’s got to be at least 7 in that photo. That’s 1986!

Now in other Kings Spotlights, Heidi Androl has seen Jarret Stoll’s blueprint and Matt Greene’s pool cue. But tonight, we learned that Raitis Ivanans may be the only Kings player who doesn’t live in Redondo Beach, but rather in a 1 bedroom apartment in North Hollywood.

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In the end, Raitis Ivanans spent his Kings Spotlight night doing what he does best…

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Making scary faces…

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…and taking stupid penalties in the offensive zone.

Keeping in the spirit of Raitis Ivanans Night, Fox Sports West HD also revealed a brand new feature… Pro Atheletes Who Look Nothing Like Pro Athletes!

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College Roommate? Nascar Driver?
Or Olympic Gold Medal Winning Bobsledder Steve Holcomb?

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White Rapper? That kid that always cruises by your house on his skateboard?
Or LA Galaxy Forward, Mike Magee!

But the best news to come out of tonights disheartening loss to the Chicago Blackhawks was the triumphant return of Bob Miller from his recent bout with the Shingles.

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“Hey Foxy, heard you did play by play against Columbus…
…you want to wait until my body’s cold next time?”

And after seeing Dustin Brown interviewed in-between periods… it’s easy to pinpoint exactly where Bob Miller got the Shingles from:

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What the hell is that thing on his lip?!?

Now, even though the Kings are in the middle of a playoff fight, the Kings Marketing Department feels like this is as good a time as any to get involved in reaching out to the Science Fiction community… normally a group of people who love attending live sports!

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So let me get this straight.
You are celebrating a fantasy film that involves inter-galatic beings fighting over good vs evil.
But I can’t wear masks or bring a weapon? This should be interesting.

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Ryan Smyth takes his love of Avatar a bit too far.

And finally, Fox Sports West HD figured out what to do with the fact that the Terry Murray Press Conference Camera isn’t in HD… so instead of upgrading the camera… they just put him in a tiny box.

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What’s in Coach Murray’s pocket?
A) The lineup card for the game
B) The ticket he leaves for Elvis for every home game 
C) Heidi Androl’s phone number

The Kings are back in action Saturday night against Matt Moulson and the New York Islanders. If the Kings don’t win this one… god help us all.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.