Hockey Harmonize


Most of the time, when I’m watching the Los Angeles Kings broadcast on Fox Sports West… I’ll fast forward through the commercials. This is the Tivo world we live in. I don’t watch hockey games live… I wait 20 minutes, an hour, even until the end of the night before I sit down to watch so I can speed through anything during a game that isn’t necessary (except for a Heidi Androl interview, those are always necessary). But tonight, during the Kings-Blackhawks broadcast on FSW… I was fast forwarding through a commercial… and I had to stop. I rewound and watched the commercial. And then I immediately rewound and watched it a 2nd time.

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I am the EXACT person this eHarmony.com ad is looking for. I love the sport of hockey. I play the sport of hockey. And I’ve gone out on a shit ton of internet dates. And while I might be the exact person this ad is speaking to… how large of a demographic did they think they would be catching with this hockey themed internet dating ad?

Were a bunch of ad exec’s excited about their pitch to eHarmony… “you see, your site is missing out on the coveted playoff-run, hockey trading deadline, game watching demo. These are men who have an incredible infatuation with a almost niche sport in the United States. Our studies show that we are targeting a group who would rather spend their Saturday nights watching Hockey Night in Canada on the Center Ice Package then go out on a date. So, if we can sell them that eHarmony.com IS the #1 internet dating destination for hockey fans… then you are looking at bringing in at least another 1000 people to the site. At least.”


eHarmony.com. Because this could be the man of your dreams.

Other rejected hockey euphemisms from an early cut of this ad:

I put the biscuit in the basket.
We’ve made a Power Play for each other.
She’ll only snap my stick, not my heart.
2 on 1.
Tweeners.
Slot.
Faceoff dots.

From my internet dating experience, eHarmony.com is the site you go to when you are looking to get married in the next 3 months or so (unless you happen to be a gay). I’m not sure it may be the best internet dating destination for the typical hard-loving, hard-drinking Boston Bruin fan. But who needs a 2 for 1 ticket special with parking, hot dogs and nachos when this could be running at your local arena?


Nothing screams hockey like “we match you based on compatibility.”

Think of the potential cross promotion eharmony.com and the NHL could have… the eHarmony.com Goal Cam. The eHarmony.com Winter Classic. The NHL Network and eHarmony.com presents “The Hockey Bachelor” with Sidney Crosby. It just works!


Tanya…will you accept this puck?

And like everything else in the world… there is a forum set up at eHarmony for hockey fans. And since the hockey season has been so exciting, no one has had a chance to post since January 17th. They are probably too busy playing NHL ’09.

Look, I know that it’s hard for all of us to find that perfect match in our lives. That person who doesn’t mind the smell of your sweaty hockey gear in the apartment. Who doesn’t care when you throw the remote at the tv when your team loses to Columbus in overtime. Who thinks it’s cute that you have a hockey blog. And maybe… just maybe… eHarmony.com will help thousands of NHL hockey fans find that person. But probably not.

The Royal Half has been a Los Angeles Kings fan since 1988 and a Half-Season Ticket Holder since 2002. He has seen the following goaltenders play in person for the Los Angeles Kings… Kelly Hrudey, Grant Fuhr, Byron Dafoe, Jamie Storr, Stephane Fiset, Felix Potvin, Cristobal Huet, Roman Cechmanek, Mathieu Garon, Adam Hauser, Jason LaBarbera, Barry Brust, Sean Burke, Dan Cloutier, Yutaka Fukufuji, Jean-Sebastien Aubin, Erik Ersberg, Jonathan Bernier, Jonathan Quick, Ben Scrivens and Martin Jones.You can follow The Royal Half on Twitter @TheRoyalHalf.